清醒时的丈夫无疑是位绅士,待人温文尔雅、沉静迷人。可是当他进入了睡眠状态,就仿佛变身为另一个人:可怕的不仅是如雷鼾声,还有高声尖叫、喃喃梦语和拳打脚踢。不堪忍受的我甚至突发奇想:要是男人也像家电一样身上背着“我会打鼾”之类的警告标识该多好!
The man I love is as calm and pleasant as the day is long[1]. He treats me with love and respect. He’s gentle and soft-spoken[2], a perfect joy to be with. But when night falls, Mark undergoes a ghastly transformation.[3] No, he’s not a vampire. Are you kidding me? Vampires are hot and trendy[4].
It’s much worse. Mark snores.
He doesn’t just snore. He also mutters and shouts and flails around.[5] I love the guy, but he’s a challenging bed partner.
My ex[6] was just the opposite. Asleep, he was gentle as a lamb; it was when he awoke that I had to watch out. He and I slept quietly in each other’s arms. I’d fall asleep holding him and wake up eight hours later, still holding him.
Mark and I start out quietly holding each other. Then he falls asleep and the wild rumpus[7] starts. He moans. He cries out. His legs bicycle wildly. He slams his fists down on the bed, jolting me awake.[8] Entering deep sleep, he sprawls[9] onto his back and emits a variety of noises that are loud enough to set off car alarms, stopping only to shout nonsense phrases, or worse, yell “Oh no!” or “Look out!”
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