Ms. Pogrebin found that some people who do not know what to do try too hard to be nice.
“Sometimes the nicest thing you can do is simply treat them normally. It’s the luxury of the normal. It’s the miracle of the ordinary that I sought. I didn’t want to feel like ‘Cancer Girl.’”
Ms. Pogrebin has some advice for people with friends or family members who are sick. She says think about what might help the person feel better, not what you think might be the “right” thing to say or do.
“It’s very tempting to feel good about yourself when you are in a tough situation like that. ‘I called when I heard. I did the right thing.’ ‘I sent a bouquet of flowers. I did the right thing.’ ‘I said, you’ll get past this, or I’m sure it’s going to be OK.’ But you do not know on the other end if that is what is really needed, and if that is what is really wanted.”
Often what is needed is practical help.
Nicole Brown said that is what she wanted when her father was ill.
“We needed people to actually come and help us, be there for us. Come over, cook. Bring some food. He lp give him a bath.”
Ms. Pogrebin adds that the best idea is usually just to be polite. And, she says, let the person who is sick say what she or he wants.
“My advice to everyone, if it had to be distilled into a single sentence, is: If you’re the friend, ask the sick person, ‘What do you really want us to do during this period? Do you want me to offer, or come, or just take the initiative? Are you uncomfortable asking, or would it be better to wait to hear what you really want? If I call you every day, will that drive you nuts? I will take the advice you give me right now and I will run with it for the rest of the period of time that we are in this together.’”
最新
2013-11-25
2013-11-25
2013-11-25
2013-11-25
2013-11-25
2013-11-25