GRE写作讲义(五)－习作评改4_GRE写作

GRE写作讲义(五)－习作评改4

　　Revised: The rights that we hold dear, such as freedom, democracy and independence, exist because they are protected by law.

　　Original: Moreover, unjust laws poison our society and they penalize innocent people rather than guilty ones. So we should resist unjust laws.

　　Revised: Unjust laws are a detriment to society and end up penalizing innocent, rather than guilty people.

　　Original: The glorious Roman Empire is always reverenced more for its overall success than for any of its epic leaders, since society is an integral concept which is weighed by the gross population.

　　Revised: The Roman Empire is generally remembered for its overall success rather than for any single leader because society as a whole is more powerful than the individuals it is comprised of.

　　Original: There is no contradiction between the two as long as individual success offers benefit to the society.

　　Revised: As long as individual success adds to a societys success, there is no contradiction between the two.

　　Original: Yet when improper individual prosperity, which is based on monopoly, deceiving other than fair play and hardworking, harms other people or the whole society, iron hand should be laid by government and other authorities to prohibit it so as to protect the overall society.

　　Revised: Only when individual success, relying on monopolies, unfair play and crime, harms other people and society, should the government and other authorities step in to protect society.