Change: It was quite obvious at that time that IQ equals intelligence. Since then, however, many people have seriously criticized the idea.
To: The idea that IQ equals intelligence seemed obvious at the time but has since come under much criticism.
Parallel Structure
Example 1:
Change: He retired respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and his employees loved him.
To: He retired respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and Loved by his employees.
Example 2:
Change: As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and following the Nationalist Party to Chongking.
To: As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and had followed the Nationalist Party to Chongking.
Example 3:
Change: This could be a problem for both the winners and for those who lose.
To: This could be a problem for both the winners and the losers.
Example 4:
Change: The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but they are obscure.
To: The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but because they are obscure.
Example 5:
Change: He explained that the advertising campaign had been successful, business had increased more than forty percent, and additional capital was sorely needed.
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