However, we were overconfident and the move to the city proved a disaster. In the city there is a lot of gas exhaust from cars, which made us cough. The nights were so bright and noisy that we could not sleep well. Thus, although we had more time to sleep at night, we were even more tired.
本段评点
这个简单的故事其实用一段话就全部写完了,不用分成三段。它作为一篇文章中几个例子中的一个是可以的,但是如果作为唯一的例子,难以全面深刻地探讨作文的题目。从而导致读者感觉文章的论证不充分,那么论点也就不堪一击了。
其次,这段作者说从农村搬到城市后觉得城市disaster的原因是空气污染和晚上睡不好觉。把空气污染作为理由是可以接受的,但说城市喧嚣每天晚上睡不好觉也有点牵强,除非作者是住在酒吧里或睡在夜总会,否则应该没那么严重。
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