10、Original: Such experience will difinitely be helpful in childrens later life.
Revised: Such experience will benefit them later in life.
Helpful是提供帮助的意思,而benefit是使受益。这里作者想说的是孩子将来的人生会受益于这样的经历,用benefit合适,因为这样的经历不一定能对孩子将来的人生提供什么具体的帮助。
11、Original: In my submission, people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.
Revised: Because of these circumstances, I believe it is inevitable that people must do what they dont enjoy doing.
In ones submission虽然也可以表示某人所持的观点,但是这是一种非常formal(正式)的表述,用在这里和整体文章的风格不太相符。
12、 Original: For no one can promise what will happen in the future, if you dont save some money, an emergency will probably make you a cat on a hot brick.
Revised: Because no one can predict the future, if you dont save money an unforeseen emergency can be financially crippling.
Promise 的意思是承诺、允诺,用在这里不合适,作者要说的是没有人能与之未来发生的事,应该用predit。还有,作者在这里用了一个惯用语a cat on a hot brick,这又有一个错误。第一,这个表述本身有错误,正确的应该是like a cat on hot bricks。第二,这个惯用语的意思是忐忑不安,如热锅上的蚂蚁,用在这里意思也不太合适。
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