SAT作文批改实例讲解(五)_SAT写作

SAT作文批改实例讲解(五)

　　学生习作

　　语言修改

　　You can see Jane who appears in the great work of Emilys as an example. Jane has a common appearance, but she never feels inferior to others. As a famous saying goes: When our soul pass away and confront the God, we are equal. Jane is not outstanding outside thats not important. Her beauty is inside. Shes brave and persistent. So does she live in our mind, though she is an imaginary person. All is due to her substance.

　　Take for example Jane Eyre, who appears in the great works of Charlotte Bronte. Jane has a common appearance, but she never feels inferior to others.

　　语言修改

　　My uncle used to make a girlfriend. She, most into her appearance, spent 2 hours making up everyday. And no one can refuse that shes beautiful. But she was not so kind. She would laugh at the badly-injured dogs in the streets and even took picture of them for fun. She shouted at beggars without offering them any help as if their poverty would spread. She was totally chilly and egocentric. No one can bear her including my uncle. At last, they broke up. Although she was charming in style, her inner substance made her awful and unpopular.

　　My uncle used to have a girlfriend. She spent two hours every day getting ready. She is beautiful on the outside but not so kind. She would laugh at injured dogs and even take pictures of them just for the fun of it. She shouted at beggars without offering them any help as if their poverty would spread. She was cold and egocentric. No one could stand her, not even my uncle. At last, they broke up. Although she was charming in style, her inner substance made her awful and unpopular.