你的妈妈或许执意认为你从来不给她打电话即便你一周打3次,在她眼中却是不够的。或者你明明和朋友正在共用午餐,他却感叹说你总是抽不出时间陪她。
Reality check: Step back and get perspective. If it were a perfect stranger in your position, what would you think? If your grown kids behaved this way toward you, how would you feel? Ask a friend for some insight. If it seems like a bigger minefield than you know how to handle, consider talking to a psychotherapist to help you sort it out。
审视现实:抽身出来,稍作观察。如果一个陌生人身处你的境况,你会作何感想?如果你已成年的孩子这样对你,你作何感想?你可以想一个朋友讨教下。如果你觉得自己无法处理,可以考虑咨询一下心理医生,为你理清思绪。
Your response: You cant do enough for some people, so dont try, says Dr. Newman. Arguing is futileyoull never winso just calmly tell the other person how its going to be. Mom, Id rather we didnt have this same argument over and over. If we cant talk about something else, lets hang up and call back when we can。 Or tell your neglected friend, Im sorry you feel this way, but I try to see you as much as I can。
你的反应:你为他人做事情永远没有底线,所以不要试图这样做纽曼博士说。辩解是无济于事的,你没有任何胜算。你只需心平气和地高度对方应该如何做。妈妈,我不想和你一直就这个问题做无休止的争论。如何我们没有其他事情可谈,那就先挂了电话,等找到其他话题了,再继续吧 或者告诉你那被抛弃的朋友:很抱歉你会这么想,但是我已经努力尽可能多的与你见面了。
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