Demanding friends. Difficult people arent always -, angry or just complaining. Sometimes they are difficult because of the demands they place upon us. Maybe a friend puts you on the spot with a request to run an errand for him while hes out of town. If you have a crowded schedule, you may agree but end up angry and resentful. Or if you say no in the wrong way, your friend may feel hurt and unhappy. The problem is that, caught off guard, you dont know how to deal with the situation in a way that avoids bad feelings.
One method Ive found helpful is punting . Youre punting when you tell the person you need to think about the request and that youll get back about it. Say a colleague calls and pressures me to give a lecture at his university. Ive learned to say, Im flattered that you thought of me. Let me check my schedule, and Ill call you back.
This gives me time to deal with any feelings of guilt if I have to say no. Suppose I decide it is better to decline; punting allow me to plan what I will say when I call back, I appreciate being asked, I might indicate, but I find Im over-committed right now. However, I hope youll think of me in the future.
Responding to difficult people with patience and empathy can be tough, especially when you feel upset. But the moment you give up your need to control or be right, the other person will begin relaxing and start listening to you. The Greek philosopher Epictetus understood this when he said nearly 2, 000 years ago, If someone criticizes you, agree at once. Mention that if only the other person knew you well, there would be more to criticize than that !
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