As they get older, many adults say they wish they were on better terms with brothers or sisters. In the next breath, however, they add that its probably impossible. We always get hung up on the same old sore points is a
familiar lament .
That neednt be true, says Bank. Almost any relationship can be
improved if people are willing to put energy into making it more satisfying.
People must recognize that their childhood rivalries are left over from a struggle
that was very likely the fault of neither. If they can see that, it will help them to
stop feeling guilty or blaming each other the way they did at age twelve.
Siblings often hesitate to disclose long-concealed feelings of anger or
jealousy, inferiority or guilt. But after these feelings are brought out, theres a
much better chance to improve the relationship.
Speaking out honestly about rivalrous feelings is the first step, says Bank. But its essential to get beyond accusations and talk positively about what each might do to improve things. People often dont let their siblings know how much they care, Bank adds. Dont be afraid to say, I really love you, he advises. And show your affection a hug, a compliment or a thoughtful gift can heal a lot of wounds.
When siblings can get past their rivalries, they may find they are bound by closer, longer lasting ties than those with any other person in their lives. Im deeply thankful that my sister and I are friends, although weve also seen each other through rough times in ways no one else could. Someday, she may be the only person I know who remembers a long-ago Christmas or laughs at the same jokes. I dont think Ill even mind if she tells me Im putting on weight.
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