I had to face reality. This was a decision I would make on my own. I needed to gather all the information I could about Downs syndrome. I wasted no time. I went to the library to begin my research. The steps to the future were in my hands.
The first medical journal I chose explained the causes of Downs syndrome. Normally, each egg and sperm cell contains 23 chromosomes, and, when they unite, 23 pairs or 46 in total. Occasionally, an accident occurs when the egg or sperm cell is forming, creating an extra chromosome number 21. This extra chromosome results in the features of Downs syndrome. In the past, this disorder was called Mongolism because of the facial characteristics including slanted eyes and a small, flattened nasal bridge. It is a common genetic birth defect affecting about one in 800 to 1000 births when the mother is 30 years of age. The odds of my having a Down syndrome increased to one in 100 because I was in my fortieth year.
There is no cure for this disorder. Neither is there any prevention. My child would be developmentally and physically retarded to a greater or lesser degree. She could have numerous health problems. It was unlikely she would ever marry and her having children was out of the question. Her life expectancy could be as little as 55 years.
Paul and I had been married for ten years and had always regretted the fact that I had been unable to conceive. After he died, I attributed my nausea, vomiting and lethargy to my grief, never suspecting that I might be pregnant. Poor Paul would never know that we would have a child together. This thought alone was what made me realize that I wouldnt be able to have an abortion, no matter what obstacles might be ahead of us.
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