Improved: Justice theories have a long tradition, going back to Plato and Aristotle in the 5th century B.C.
Unnecessary: Shirley Temples father blew nearly the entire $3 million that she made by tap dancing which made her famous in the movies.
Improved: Shirley Temples father blew nearly the entire $3 million she made tap dancing her way to fame in the movies.
Unnecessary: We told them they were the victims who deserved sympathy the most.
Improved: We told them they were the victims, most deserving of sympathy.
Unnecessary: Only a person who is oblivious to the facts of modern life would doubt the need of vocational education today.
Better: Only a person oblivious to the facts of modern life would doubt the need of vocational education today.
Unnecessary: Not everyone in North America likes the taste of green tea, whether it contains caffeine or not.
Better: With or without caffeine, not everyone in North America likes the taste of green tea.
Unnecessary: Usually the Washington family married people who were socially better off than themselves, but the second marriage of Georges father was an exception.
Better: Usually the Washingtons married their social betters, but the second marriage of Georges father was an exception.
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