The personal computer has also depleted their vigor. In the survey, almost all those computer freaks feel sluggish in their jobs. They have lost their interests in outdoor activities. Some even become so feeble that they sweat when standing for a short while. It seems that they are being burned out by the high-tech monster.
willingking的第三段析评:
What should be done to cope with this severe phenomenon? In the first place, we must advertise more on this subject by mass media, in order to keep folks informed of the harm of abusing computers. In the second place, an education campaign must be launched, particularly among the get-use-to-computers young people. In the third place, the government should pass through relevant laws to limit on-line games. All in all, the whole society should try their best to solve this problem.
【总体评语】
第三段willinging总体上写得不错,提出了具体的解决办法,呼应了文章的一开始,没有走题,不错。问题在于办法虽多,却基本上没有写清楚为什么可以用这些办法的理由。这样一来,办法的可信度、意义就大打折扣了。
【技巧评语】
还可以。但还是显得欠灵活。其实,只需提出一种办法,说清楚它的好处就可以了。另外,第一句像是凑字数;这一问是不必要的。另外最后一句并没有能够围绕这一段中的前面三个办法来总述,显得大而无当。这似乎也是很多初学英语写作者的通病,喜欢大发感慨。
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