Cooperation Makes Us Success How vivid and thought-provoking the picture is in decreasing a modern social phenomenon about cooperation!As is clearly and symbolically shown in the painting,two disable men support each other with their powerful hands to keep walking.What we can see on the margin part of the picture is a poem, which means that the two disable young men will help each other keeping walking all over the world.(第一段非常出彩。标题简介明了,朗朗上口。描写的也很生动,用了一些很好的形容词,比如powerful,symbolical, thought-provoking, vivid等等。我唯一不能明白的是在in decreasing a modern social phenomenon about cooperation!考虑将a放在decreasing前面去)
It goes without saying that the intention of the drawing is to reveal us that in modern society,a dramatically growing factor of success is cooperation,the nflence of the two young men is outstanding.i can find out no better illstration other than the follwing . in a football team ,every member is one of the team.cooperation will make them confidence and success. And with the quiokening pace of modern life and the increasingly fierce competation .in our society ,hardly can anyone succeed in his career or study without cooperation .
评分:18 你的写作基本上暂时不用复习了,你已经掌握了写作的要领,你考试时候是否能高分,一要看你是否够仔细,二要看你考前是否有练手,三要看你的运气成分。总之,你的功底是很好的,不用我再赘述一些如何写作的东西。时间有限,你将时间和精力投入到其他课程中去吧。 我虽然给了你一个比较高的分数,但是心里还是有点担心。其实,这个漫画的本意是,两个残疾人的合作能让残疾人获得更多,摆脱以往的束缚。强调的是合作对克服自身缺陷的重要性。所以,光合作本身并不是这个漫画的主要意思。虽然你也提到了这层意思,但总感觉你是在说它,又不是在说它,有点擦边球的感觉。比如,你举的例子中就没有提到每个运动员的局限性。当然,你这肯定不是跑题,但会损失一些印象分。另外,一些细节地方,我划线出来的,是我觉得可以改进的地方。
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