我再一次认识到--自从做了母亲后我已多次意识到--做母亲的该做些什么这样的想法有多危险,而社会坚持如何做好母亲的惟一标准又有多大的毁灭性。有那么多专家告诉我们,好母亲不会把孩子留给保姆。好母亲的爱心就是从不把孩子独自留下。然而这些规则都忽略了这样一个事实:并不是所有的母亲都一样,而且满足孩子的需要和他们该得到的有方式很多。这些规则没有考虑到母亲的感觉,以及这种感觉会对孩子有何影响。
If I had followed the rules, I would have succumbed to terror and failed my children. In the end, this ordeal eased my guilt about leaving my sons side at times. I realized that I, like many others who care for sick people, needed somewhere else to go once in a while to draw breath and find meaning before returning to the work of nursing.For me, my job was that place.For others, it might be someplace else.
如果我也遵循了这些规则,我也许就向恐惧投降了,也会使我的孩子失望。这种严峻的考验最终减轻了我因为时不时离开儿子而产生的负疚感。我认识到,像其他照顾患者的人一样,我也需要不时地去其他地方歇一歇,找到生活的意义,然后再回去照料病人。对我而言,工作就是这样一个换换气的地方。对别人来说,可能是其他地方。
My son is recovering now, but I am still too close to his illness to understand fully what lessons I can learn, what meaning I can wrest, from this experience. All I can say is that working when my child was so sick might look wrong from the outside, but on the inside, it helped keep me sane. I grew less intimidated by the other mothers. I allowed myself to see that I was no less dedicated. We were all caring for our children, each in our own way.
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