Most kids who adopt the Mafia lifestyle, or have multiple body piercings, or listen to savage music, or play the video game Doom are normal kids caught in a toxic culture. Intelligent kids with good social skills can be quite skillful at hiding who they really are from their parents. They may do this to avoid punishment, to escape being identified as "crazy", or to protect the parents they love from being disappointed or worried. Klebold successfully hid his inner turmoil from his loving parents. Anyway, how many parents are capable of thinking the worst of their son -- for example, that he has murderous fantasies, or that he could go so far as to acting them out?

Even if parents know their child as an individual, they may not understand what he is capable of when in company of another boy. Though it appears from public accounts that Harris was more prone t violence than Klebold, neither kid was likely to go on this killing rampage alone. I think many of us are too ready to blame good parents for how their children cope with a violent and coarse society. Even loving, attentive parents can lose children who are temperamentally vulnerable -- if they develop a secret life, get caught up in the dark side of the culture and form dangerous peer alliances. And that's the scary part for any parent to acknowledge.

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