Neither Sally nor Joan understands that the real cause of the current coldness is that their family roles have suddenly changed to the opposite. Finally Joan seems to be better than her elder sister--and Sally doesn't like it! Their distance may be temporary, but it shows that childhood competition don't fade easily as ages grow. It can remain powerful in relationships throughout life.

　　In a study of the University of Cincinnati,65 men and women between ages 25 and 93 were asked how they felt about their brothers and sisters. Nearly 75 percent admitted having hidden competitive feelings. In a few cases, these emotions were so strong as to have affected their entire lives.

　　Many adult brothers and sisters are close, supportive--yet still tend to compete. Two brothers I know turn into killers when on opposite sides of a tennis net. Off the court, they are the best of friends. My own younger sister can't wait to tell me when I've put on weight. However, she's a terrible cook and that pleases me; I tease her when she comes to dinner. Happily, despite these small failings, we have been an important resource for each other.

　　In between the very competitive and the generally supportive children lie those who say that no friendship should survive. Some brothers and sisters stay at arm's length, hut never give up competition completely. Why do these puzzling, unproductive, often painful relationships continue to exist?

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