I recall a moment that I experienced with my dad when I was twenty-one. I was going to college and living with a couple of friends in Chicago.
When the car I was using died, my dad, realizing that I needed transportation to get to work and to school, was good enough to lend me the money for a used car. Shortly after I bought it, my parents drove down to San Diego for the winter. Before they left, my dad gave me some of his bank deposit slips (存款单) with clear and detailed instructions to put one hundred dollars of my earnings, every payday, into their savings account while they were gone.
At that time of my life, I was not yet clear about what were the most important problems that I had to attend to first. I dismissed our agreement as nothing important and continued to spend my money as fast as I was making it, in pubs, on dates, and so on. Instead of honoring our agreement, I made payments that were less than the agreed-upon amounts, and on more than one occasion I made no payment at all.
When my parents arrived home in late March, I got a call from my dad, who said, “Don’ t go anywhere. I’m coming over.” My dad was (and still is) a physical presence and had been a truck driver for thirty-five years. I felt ashamed and guilty, knowing that Dad had discovered that I hadn’t held up my end of our bargain.
After he came in, he told me to sit down because he had a few things to tell me. There was no shouting, no red face with a vein about to burst on his forehead, and no bad language at all. His first words were, “When your mother and I got back into town yesterday, I called the bank. I can’t say I was surprised to discover that you hadn’t made all the payments. My first thought was to come here and take the car from you, but I want to tell you some things while I’m here. Maybe you’ll understand, and maybe you won’t.”
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