Before John’s death, I took pride in the fact that I rarely asked for help or favors, I defined myself by my competence and independence. So who was I if I was no longer capable and busy? How could I respect myself if all I did was sit on the couch every day and watch the snowfall?
Learning how to receive the love and support that came my way wasn't easy. Friends cooked for me and l cried because I couldn't even help them set the table. “I’m not usually this lazy,” I wept. Finally, my friend Kathy sat down with me and said,
“Mary, cooking for you is not a burden. I love you and I want to do it. It makes me feel good to be able to do something for you.”
Over and over, I heard similar emotions from the people who supported me during those dark days. One very wise man told me, “You are not doing nothing. Being fully open to your sorrow may be the hardest work you will ever do.”
I am not the person I once was,but in many ways I have changed for the better. My heart is now filled with thanks for people around me. I have been surprised to learn that there is incredible freedom that comes from facing one’s worst fear and walking away whole. I believe there is strength, for sure, in accepting a dark period of our life.
Why did the author crawl through the living room?
A. Because her knees got injured.
B. Because she felt ashamed.
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