Every family with kids has seen its share of arguments，shouting and complaining.It turns out that all that conflict serves an important purpose in the development of children.Saying “no”，followed by a temper tantrums (发脾气)，just may be an unavoidable part of growing up.And that’s a good thing.These are the first steps toward independence.Even young children have to challenge their parents sometimes.

　　Studies have shown the following：

　　Although stressful，conflict is beneficial for children.

　　Learning to manage conflict is necessary for a child’s development.

　　Conflicts during the preschool years occur because children desire even more attention than parents can or should give.

　　If you understand why conflict occurs，it can minimize (最小化) the conflicts between you and your children.Conflict is a child’s attempt to develop a sense of self and how he or she learns to express needs and ideas.Parents develop and drive this independence by exposing children to the outside world both formally and informally.

　　Conflict can grow out of a difference of opinion or might just be a way to blow off steam (发泄怒气)．In rare situations，constant conflict between a parent and child can indicate a deeper emotional problem.Consult your doctor if this seems to be your situation.

　　It’s important to offer your child choices，which should be determined by age and developmental level.The more responsible a child is，the more choices he or she gets in reward.You can threaten your child with punishment，but often offering a choice will better improve angry situations.Consequences and rewards should have some meaning to your child.

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