Most parents are 　3　 by such reactions because they don’t understand how deeply a child 　4　 shame.“All too often we don’t see or hear what is really troubling our children,”says Kaoru Yamamoto,a psychologist (心理学家) at the University of Colorado at Denver.

　　Yamamoto’s surveys

　　that children are afraid of losing face：being thought of as an unattractive,stupid or

　　child.It is more troubling to wet their pants in class,get a bad report card or repeat a grade than it is to be confronted by a rival baby brother or sister—situations a parent might 　7　 to be most disturbing.For a child,a blow to self-esteem and the sense of being worthy,is a 　8　 thing to endure.

　　Triggering (触发) this fear,among other things,is the experiences of being lost in a strange place and of seeing their parents fight, when there is violence.Between two thirds and three quarters of the children surveyed have experienced the 　10　 of parental fighting,and it leaves them afraid that their mothers and fathers are going to get divorced.Just the noise of the quarrel can be frightening.

　　“In listening to children,it is 　11　 not to be touched by their profound sense of vulnerability (脆弱),”says Yamamoto.“They are afraid of being left ,fearful of what lies ahead and uncertain of what they can do.They are fundamentally (基本地) dependent upon adults in the face of upsetting and unpredictable events.”

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