It was Sunday morning. I heard loud noises of moving furniture in the next room. I could almost feel the excitement of John who was soon going to get a room of his own. I knew how much he longed for his right to privacy when he was sharing a room with his younger brother, Robot. He said, “Mum, Can I have a room of my own? I could use Jeff’s. He won’t mind.”
It was true that Jeff had graduated from college and flown from the nest. But would he mind? The room was the place where I told him a thousand stories and we had a thousand talks. As close as we were, though, the time came when Jeff needed a door between us. His life was spreading into areas that had less to do with family. I no longer could-or-should know everything about him.
It turned out that getting Jeff’s permission was easy. He said, “Of course, Mum, it would be selfish of me to hold on to it.” Then his voice softened, “Mum, I won’t be living at home again — you know that.” Behind his glasses, his eyes were lit with all the love. There were no doors closed here — they had all opened up again.
As John and I were cleaning the room, I fixed my eyes on Jeff’s things around me and could almost touch the little boy I knew was gone forever. I looked at the room and, in my heart, I let it go. To hold on would be, as Jeff said, selfish. Now it was time for John, shouldering through the door, his eyes bright with promise of independence, to disappear behind the door. It was time for letting go to happen again.
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