Ron and I had tried to have children for a long time with depressing results. I threw myself into my work. Any maternal feelings I had were spent on Merlin.

　　I couldn’t wait to get home from work each night. I wanted to pick up that warm bundle of loving fur and nestle him. I wanted to sing “Rock-a-bye Merlin”, as I did every night as he would put his paws around my neck.

　　Merlin was my comfort especially at times when I wondered if God was listening. But last night something had changed. Not only did I sing “Rock-a-Bye Merlin”, but I asked, “What will I do after you’re gone? ”

　　Although Merlin was 19 years old, a senior in the age of a cat, he didn’t look or act that way. I didn’t want to accept the fact that he was nearing the end of his lifetime. My job at the law firm was so demanding and stressful that I couldn’t imagine getting through the day without Merlin waiting to greet me at home.

　　I dialed the vet’s number. I asked for my husband but he already left. Then I took a breath and asked the question that no one wanted to ask, “Is my Merlin still alive? ”The nurse said “yes. ”

　　Ron came home and said that Merlin had almost no red blood cells left. White blood cells were replacing them. Merlin would need expensive transfusions most likely on a monthly basis. We both knew Merlin was running out of time. I asked Ron to drive me to the vet so I could say goodbye to my little boy cat but he was beat tired and it was late. Ron said if Merlin was still alive the next morning then he would take me to the vet.

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