The Child ego states are constantly being updated. For example, we may meet someone who gives us the permission we needed as a child, and did not get, to be fun and joyous. We may well use that person in our imagination when we are stressed to resist our old ways of thinking that we must work longer and longer hours to keep up with everything. We might ask ourselves “I wonder what X would say now.” Then on hearing the new permissions to relax and take some time out, do just that and then return to the work renewed and ready for the challenge. Afterwards, rather than blaming ourselves for what we did or did not do, what tends to happen is that we automatically start to give ourselves new permissions and take care of ourselves.

　　Alternatively, we might have had an extremely unpleasant experience yesterday which goes into the Child ego state as an antique memory that stands in the way of our growth. Positive experiences will also go into the Child ego state as antique memories. The positive experiences can then be drawn on to remind us that positive things do happen.

　　The process of analyzing personality in terms of ego states is called structural analysis. It is important to remember that ego states do not have an existence of their own. They are concepts to enable understanding. Therefore it is important to say “I want some fun” rather than “My Child wants some fun.” We may be in our Child ego state when we say this, but saying “I” reminds us to take responsibility for our actions.

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