In Allen’s study,157 13-year-olds were videotaped describing their biggest disagreement with their parents.Allen interviewed the teens again at ages 15 and 16.“The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers(同龄人),”he says.They were able to confidently disagree,saying “no” when offered alcohol or drugs.In fact,they were 40 percent more likely to say “no” than kids who didn’t argue with their parents.

　　For other kids,it was an entirely different story.“They would back down right away,”says Allen,saying they felt it pointless to argue with their parents.This kind of passivity was taken directly into peer groups,where these teens were more likely to acquiesce(勉强同意) when offered drugs or alcohol.“These were the teens we worried about,”he says. 

　　So,the best thing parents can do is help their teenager argue more effectively.For this,Allen offers one word:listen.

　　In the study,when parents listened to their kids,their kids listened back.They didn’t necessarily always agree,he says.But if one or the other made a good point,they would acknowledge that point.“They weren’t just trying to fight each other at every step and wear each other down.They were really trying to persuade the other person.”

　　Acceptable argument might go something like this:“How about I prove to you I can handle it for three weeks before we make a final decision about it?”

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