The hard truth is, most parents do. In one research, Catherine Conger, a professor at the University of California at Davis, studied a group of 384 sibling pairs and their parents and visited them three times over three years. She questioned them about their relationships and videotaped them as they worked through conflicts. Overall, she concluded that 65% of mothers and 70% of fathers exhibited a preference for one child, usually the older one. And the real numbers can be much bigger, since parents try especially hard to hide their preferences when a researcher is watching.
If the scientists don’t see through the trick, however, kids usually do and act accordingly. From the moments they’re born, brothers and sisters constantly compete for the precious resource of parental attention, each fighting to establish an identity that will best catch Mom’s or Dad’s eye. I’m the smartest one! I’m the funniest one!
It’s hard to predict the fallout from favoritism. Being the favorite may improve self-esteem and confidence. But studies show it can also leave kids with a sense of arrogance(傲慢)and privilege. Unfavored children may grow up wondering if they’re somehow unworthy of the love the parents gave generously to the golden child. But they may do better at forming relationships outside the family as a result of that. And there’s no telling how the differential treatment will play out among the kids.
“My mom didn’t like my elder sister and did like me, ” says Roseann Henry, an editor and the married mother of two girls. “Everyone assumed I had it great, except that my sister tortured(折磨)me pretty much all the time—and really, what affects daily life more for a kid, the approval of a parent or the day-to-day torture of an elder sister?”
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