Although contentious litigation is still the preferred method for numbers of divorcing people, the good news is that there are many alternatives to this type of divorce.
Even if your spouse (or ex-spouse) is behaving badly, you don't have to follow suit. You can have what’s referred to as a “good divorce” or as a “better divorce.” To do this, however, you must be willing to handle yourself in a mature manor, which I refer to as your “higher self.” This is not always easy to do, especially when you may have fears about not having enough running rampant through your brain, or when your spouse has done something you feel is flagrantly unjust.
This is not to say that you shouldn't feel your feelings. Indeed you should. What this passage is referring to is controlling your behavior: that is, can you be incredibly angry with your spouse and not seek vengeance by way of dirty pool in the divorce settlement? Can you instead, express yourself calmly and save your heated emotions for another forum, such as your therapist's office or hitting a punching bag at the gym? Can you soothe yourself in a healthy way?
If you’ve never done this, it will undoubtedly be a tall task to begin conducting yourself this way through your divorce proceedings, but you will likely feel better once you get to the other side.
One trick to help you control your reactions to events during your divorce is to not speak in the moment. If your spouse says or does something hurtful, you can bite your tongue, walk away, hang up the phone, or say, “I can’t answer that right now. Let me think about it.” This is a way to respond rather than react.
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