Alex had just turned 15. This was the day we never spoke about. We thought it would make a difference in helping him step out of the shadow of that accident. So I didn’t bring it up until one night, when we were 30 and 31, I asked if he ever thought about the day Jonathan died. But he responded with an unpleasant laugh and a cold silence.

　　Before the accident, we were inseparable. After the accident, we didn’t have words for any conversation. I was desperate to reconnect and convinced that the only way to do so was to get as close as I could to that day.

　　I tracked down the police report. I wrote down the driver’s name and found his phone number. I told him I wanted to know about an accident he was involved in back in 1999. He told me it was the hardest time in his life. I told him I wanted to find a way to take away my brother’s pain.

　　“You can’t.” he said “But if you want to lessen it, let him talk to you, and once those words start coming, you’ll realize that asking is the easy part.

　　Listening is the hard part.” I hung up the phone but didn’t stop there. I tracked down the witnesses.

　　A year after the first phone call, I met with my brother and told him about the people I had spoken to and what they had said, and his instinct(本能) was to confirm and correct each detail. That was my opening, and his too. Later I was able to ask what no one in my family ever had: “Could you just start at the beginning and tell me everything?”

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