[15]When anger is hurled at us, it hurts us. If it were a pistol, I would insist anger, like control, be checked at the door. But anger can also be a response to pain. So when your spouse responds in anger, you must terminate the argument. It’s that simple: the argument must end because another person may be in pain.

[15]如果激愤在我们之间爆发，它会伤害我们的感情。如果激愤是一把手枪，我认为也要像对待控制他人的欲望一样，要在一开始就不让它发射出来。但是愤怒可以是内心伤痛的一种释放。当你的配偶释放愤怒的时候，你就必须停止争吵。道理很简单，争吵必须终止，因为其中一人可能已被触动内心的痛处。

[16]Try this: Let a little space occur between you. Let the storm recede a little. Then tell your partner you understand that when a person is angry, it means she’s been hurt, and that you want to do something about it because you love her.

[16]不妨这样试一下：让你们之间的紧张松弛一下，让你们之间的风暴平息一点。告诉你的妻子你理解她的激愤，你知道她内心有伤痛，你愿意为此做点什么，因为你爱她。

[17]Perhaps she’ll tell you why she’s hurt—angrily. Try not to be put off, but to hear the anger as sounds of hurt. When you discover the pain, you can address its cause, and the anger will begin to fade.

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