I want to learn to grow in forbearance and understand life through experience.
我要大声宣布,我要成为一名真正自主的舞者,就算观众只有我一个人。我要用最独特的舞姿,在自己的舞台上备受瞩目。
I want to say out loud that I want to be a truly autonomous dancer, even if I'm the only one in the audience. I want to use the most unique dance posture, in their own stage attention.
名师点评
Famous teachers' comments
《考试大纲》在“写作?基础等级”部分有两条重要要求:“内容充实”和“语言通顺”。“内容充实”,就是要言之有物、持之有据,用足够的高质量的材料显示文章主题;“语言通顺”,就是要求语言表达规范、准确、连贯而得体。《内心的独舞》一文,则是一篇虚而泛的抒情散文。
There are two important requirements in the "writing basic level" part of the "examination outline": substantial content "and" fluent language ". "Substantial content" means to have substance and evidence, and display the theme of the article with enough high-quality materials; "fluent language" means to require standardized, accurate, coherent and appropriate language expression. "Inner solo dance" is an empty and general lyric prose.
从内容上看,作者应该是读懂了题意的,但缺少实实在在的、血肉丰满的描写,较难引起读者共鸣。从语言表达看,既有优点,那就是挥洒得比较自如,可能作者读书比较多;但也存在缺陷,一方面是很多句子表意不明(如“我是一只独舞独唱的小老鼠”“我就在打造着这像荒地一般的舞台”“爱的光芒却‘因规格不符’而无法‘加载入仓’”“只因生活得太安逸”),另一方面病句也不少(比如“在自己的舞台上备受瞩目”等)。(唐惠忠)
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