After I found out I carry the BRCA 2 mutation, I knew I needed to make some tough decisions. One of those tough decisions was deciding if I wanted to have surgery to reduce my risk of breast cancer. It was my anxiety that actually led me to make the decision to undergo a preventative double mastectomy. I can’t stress enough how much of a personal decision it is for women carrying the breast cancer gene to have this surgery or not. But for me, I knew what I could handle and I knew what I couldn’t.
I’m the person who gets anxiety about flying, work meetings, and first dates. I knew my anxiety about developing breast cancer wasn’t just going to just go away. And honestly, it would probably only get worse. If I had decided to go the surveillance route, every six months I would have had to get a breast MRI and a mammogram and wait to hear my results. I didn't want to face that anxiety every six months, so I elected to have a prophylactic double mastectomy. Even though that surgery was terrifying and comes with its own set of anxious feelings and emotions — like having panic attacks about being under the knife for so long and fearing the unknown — I knew ultimately this was better for my mental health and well-being.
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Through this journey, I realized that no matter how many times I thought about what could happen, it didn't change anything. All of the time I spent over-thinking and worrying only took up space in my head and time away from me. Even though I'm always going to be a bit anxious and scared of mostly everything, I learned that I have more power over this than I thought. I can get the help that I need, I can take steps to help improve my quality of life and I can share my struggles with others. And, yes, this BRCA diagnosis will always give me some unpleasant feelings and worries, but it's also given me a new perspective on life and a new perspective of myself. And even more, it gave a deeper look into my own mental health.
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