- How to Attract Women, by Mark Sherman, PsychologyToday.com, August 1, 2011.
2. Growing up, my parents told me to be humble.
"Don't go around telling everyone what you do and what you've achieved. Let them find out for themselves."
I've taken this advice my whole life, believing I have nothing to prove and no need to show it off. I was taught if I really deserved attention and praise, someone else would share the good news on my behalf and that would garner more respect than if I spread the news myself.
So, how do you deal when you're met with Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Paul, ready with undermining and backhanded compliments? Whether it's at work, a networking event, or even from your cousin twice-removed, it's one of the most frustrating feelings ever. For example:
Nancy: How's work going?
You: It's good, I am working on a big project with a fast-approaching deadline right now so it's a busy time.
Nancy: Oh, that's great to hear they're giving big responsibilities to entry-level employees.
Or this:
Paul: What do you do?
You: I am opening a restaurant downtown.
Paul: That's such a great achievement for a woman.
Ugh. If you're not familiar with responses like this, they're called backhanded compliments. They're words that are strung together to sound like a compliment, only to deviously undermine you in the process.
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