...Asking your spouse to change a behavior
想要请求伴侣做出改变
Instead of: "Will you stop smoking for my sake?"
与其说:“你能不能为了我戒烟?”
Try: "Will you stop smoking for the sake of the kids?"
不如说:“你能不能为了孩子戒烟?”
The subtext: Your spousemay resentyour wanting to change his ways—and use that resentment as an excuse not to change. Putting the focus on a third party removes you from the equation. And focusing on children makes people think in terms of their ideal selves。
潜台词:你的伴侣可能已经厌烦了你总是期望他能改变,然后就用这种厌烦情绪来作为拒绝改变的借口。既然如此,那就就把焦点放在第三方,让自己从等式的两边摆脱出来。而把焦点放在孩子身上,会使人产生一种变成“理想的我”的想法。
...Presenting a problem to your boss
想要向老板提出问题
Instead of: "They have issues with the sales staff."
与其说:“他们觉得销售人员有问题。”
Try: "We have issues with the sales staff."
不如说:“我们觉得销售人员有问题。”
The subtext: Replacing “they” with “we” can change your outlookand the viewpoint of others. After all, if we're not part of the solution, we're part of the problem。
潜台词:用“我们”来代替“他们”可以改变你的立场和其他人的观点。毕竟,如果我们不是解决问题的一方,那就是制造问题的一方了。
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