On one hand, home-working enables employees to work at ease, especially to those who are disabled, who can avoid many difficulties by working at home.
或者修改为:
On one hand, home-working enables employees to work at ease. For example, those workers who are disables can avoid many difficulties by working at home.
三、滥用逻辑连接词。
有的雅思考生主观地认为尽量多用连接词语可以加强句际衔接,但结果是连接词语过分堆积,造成多余,评分标准中所提到的机械地句子衔接。如:
1 Working at home ensures employers multiple options in human resource. 2 However, if they hire staff through modern technologies, such as internet, fax, or telephone. 3 It is hard to know how the employees quality is which takes disadvantages of the company. 4 Although it is hardly capitalize on employer.
请注意红色字体标注的部分,均属于滥用逻辑连词的部分。可以 看到,在4个句子中,这位考生错用了3个逻辑连词。这个现象属于 makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices这是5分写作水平的评价。为了改善这个问题,达到6分的标准,建议可以做如下修改:
1 Working at home ensures employers multiple options in human resource. 2 However, if they hire staff through modern technologies, such as internet, fax, or telephone , 3 it is hard to know how efficient the employees are. 4 Therefore, home-working can hardly benefit employers.
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