Admittedly, when we hear sufficient affairs via radio, we then want a more direct way to receive message. Thus, a great invention---television appears in our life. Through TV, we are easily able to see clearly what happens in the areas which we have not ever been to. Besides, seeing a film ,improving living skills gaining ecomomic knowledge, etc, there are so many things we can do via TV . Apparently, television changes our life directly, but things are not always perfect. Instead of its advantages, it is harmful for our health. Watching to much will bring tiredness in our eyes which comes more serious to the youth.

　　All in all, with the dramatic increasing number of people using media, personnally, I tend to support the view that one should choose the best way to communicate information based on his or her ability and necessity , instead of popularity.

　　Comments

　　1. task response : it is not sufficient , but ok

　　2. coherence and cohesive: there are some erroneous collocations and phrases, but the whole progression is ok.

　　3. lexical resources: pay attention to your details. Not so good

　　4. Grammatical range and accuracy : sentence structure is good, despite some errs.

　　Maybe you will be granted as band 5 score.

　　作文修改细节：

　　不建议发展开头，你可以尝试其他的方式，有点像模版。

【雅思写作技巧：换个思维拿高分】相关文章：

★ 雅思写作：各种“衰退”词汇的大集合

★ 雅思写作提纲：如何照顾老年人

★ 雅思写作必备实用句型（2）

★ 如何解决雅思写作字数不足的问题

★ 雅思写作指导：代词的使用（2）

★ 雅思写作：作文开头和结尾谚语30条

★ G类雅思写作讲解及范文：Apology类

★ 雅思写作必背核心词组（1）

★ 雅思写作范文精选：男女分校带来的利弊

★ 雅思写作实用句型汇总（40）