Finally, clothes should be kept abreast with step of social development. The style of clothes can mirror the custom in a period of time in a country. Dr. Wang who especialize in sociey assessment supported this view in a paper. And he said that people living in this fast-pace society should wear neat clothes which are conveninet when they are working.
To sum up, I completely disagree with wiew that people wear the national clothes everyday in the current society. In my opinion, with amount of colthes into our lives,our daily lives should be colorful and fashionable.
点评:
1.原文开头模板痕迹比较明显,而且未能将背景信息交代清楚。应该按照课上所讲审题步骤理清文章的习作思路:即,BI+WT。因此,首段应该交代好背景信息和自己的观点。
2.原文中部分句子之间的Cohesion出现问题。如, Some countries history and traditions are still studied by young children. 是对上句的佐证,需加入对比联系词in fact/ on the contrary
3.文章多次出现单词拼写错误,希望引起足够重视。
4.文章最后可以在分析不必要性之后,提出消除人们担心的办法。
修改:
In this day and age, with the pace of social development, clothes with various styles are winning tremendous popularity in some countries, where national costumes, on the contrary, are not as fashionable as before. Consequently, some people advocate that more people should wear them every day. However, as far as I am concerned, it is unnecessary for everyone to wear those clothes each day.
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