1.
This/these之类的词明显不会用,指代不清;
attractive, vivid and touching our lives: 明显的并列结构出错;
开头段没有点明作者的观点或者作者要在文中的所做所为。只是简单的改写题目。
2.
self-principle??? self-discipline?
take too much time in watching: 主语是人的时候,花费多少时间做某事,不能用take;
instead of being back to study after doing for a short while.:being back to study? 非常别扭的表达方式。
unhealthy pictures?中文化的表达方式pornographic ?
it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons.: 这个句子中谁充满了谁啊?
realistic world: real world? non-virtue world?建议改成daily life
3.
better understandings to our society: understanding 之类的词从来不用复数;better understanding to our society?or of our society?
All of this:all of what?
4.
结尾段中watching TV or videos are ...明显的第三人称单数错误;
ensure 后面最好用ensure that ... 从句;
and at the same time: 建议前面用句号;
government为什么要大写?只有一个government?
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