Fristly, writing letter is 1more cheaper than mobile phones。

　　点评：1形容词比较级用法错误 much cheaper 。

　　Undeniably，the expenses of 1we spend on mobile phones are to be unaffordable。

　　点评：1of后面缺宾语，没有连词的句子无法充当宾语。

　　2 你的观点是写信便宜，论证是写信费用高的无法接受，这个首先是太绝对，其次是没有说服力，得给出细节才行。

　　修改：

　　It is well known that sending a letter to a friend in other cities take no more than 1 yuan in China. In contrast, an inter-city call charges you more than 3-5 yuan。

　　Besides, kepping in touch with our relatives with mobile phones or E-mails can only 1lull us into a false sence of intimacy. 2On the contrast, letters can convey our feelings more effectively。

　　点评：1 属于考官不能看懂的句子。

　　2 用词错误，on the contrary或者in contrast。

　　Secondly,it will 2do good to people if they write letters. Both their brain and thinking 3mdules can benefit from it. It is obvious that people can develop their logic ,language ability and interpersonnal skills during the procedure of writing。

　　点评：

　　1 不是第二点了，换成其次furthermore, moreover, in addition。

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