名师点拨雅思习作修改、评分建议及改进策略_雅思英语经验技巧

名师点拨雅思习作修改、评分建议及改进策略

　　修改：Finally, letters prove to be a healthier means of information interchange。

　　Obviously, the proliferation of mobile phones and computers pose a 1grave threat to peoples health, 2as a result of it,many people are more likely to writer letters instead of using mobile phones or E-mails。

　　问题：

　　1 拼写错误。

　　2as a result是副词，等同于therefore, 不能连接两个完整的句子。

　　3论证还是略显空洞。可以配搭实验法或例子。

　　修改：Statistics from a variety of scientific research have revealed that overexposure to radiation of mobile phones and computer may impair ones skin and eyesight。

　　Moreover, a real-life example can be taken to prove the point. Qiulin, a very famous DJ in Shanghai told the public in the mid of 2009 that she was infected with brain tumors due to cell-phone radiation and recommended the public to avoid making phones when they are charging or before they are running out。

　　结尾段

　　To sum up, I would concede that letters are more time-consuming. 1Despite that,the benefits of letters far outweigh its disadvantages. Overall,I am convinced that letters would 2never be replaced,and children should be encouraged to learn to write letters。