I have an unforgettable night on last Friday. Because I saved my grandpas life. (I had an unforgettable night last Friday because I saved my grandpa's life.)
Last Friday, my parents were not at home, and I watched TV in living room. My grandpa was watch newspaper in his room. (将几个简单句合并更好一些,可以写成:My parents were not in on the very night. I was watching TV in the living room while my grandpa was reading newspaper in his bedroom.)When I walked in his room, I find he had lost consciousness. (最好用双宾语结构:find sb doing sth. 可以写成:When I walked into his room, I found him lying on the ground and lost his consciousness.) So I immediately called 120, put he lay and opened the window. (不成句子,是个硬伤。可以写成:Without hesitation, after putting him on the bed and opening the window, I immediately called 120.) In this time, doctor came. A doctor said I had a good job, and I saved my grandpas life. (将几个简单句合并更好一些,可以写成:At last, the doctor arrived, who told me that I had done a good job of saving my grandpa's life.)
What an unforgettable Friday!!
(What an unforgettable night!)
恭喜你能坚持写完,并能看完这篇被我修改的文章。这样的人不多,你是这个班第二个这么做的,所以我要对你说:你很棒!能想象你以后很牛很牛的的样子。继续努力!
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