Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon ( 3 ) , after I returned back ( 4 ) to school, I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting ( 5 ) better now.
Since I am very interested in nature, I've decided to cost ( 6 ) the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing ( 7 ) natural things. Will that be all right?
With lots of love.
Yours,
Ting Ting
三、习作点评:
1. 优点:习作者能准确运用书信格式,文中人称、动词时态使用正确。作者能根据来信中所涉及的主要问题,全面地表达了回信的主题内容。该习作语言表达较为流畅,作者能尽量运用英语课本中所学过一些句式、短语进行表达,如 Thank you for , It was really kind of you to do , We did see , spend the money you sent me 等,是一篇较好的习作。
2. 不足之处:( 1 )该篇习作也出现了一些语法、词句及意义表达方面的错误,具体表现在:( 1 ) saw 改为 see .这是一种陈述句结构的强调形式,在这种句型结构中,用了助动词 do /does /did 以后,原来的动词形式要改为原形。又如: He does often come to see us. (他确实常来看我们。) We did go to the party last night. (我们昨天晚上确实去参加了晚会。)( 2 ) let it out 改为 drove it away . let out 意为放掉、泄露, drive away 意为赶走。( 3 ) In that afternoon 改为 That afternoon .在 this, that , every, next, last 等所限定的时间名词前常不用介词。( 4 ) returned back 改为 turned back 或去掉 back .( 5 )在 getting 前加上 it is .此处 getting 与前面 was not serious 不为并列动词时态,而是强调现在,应用现在时。( 6 ) cost 改为 spend .当句中主语为某人时,常表达为 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花钱或时间干什么注意 cost 的主语一般为某物。( 7 ) observing 改为 to observe .该动词由句中 use 决定其结构,构成 use sth. to do sth 用来干。( 2 )该习作语言句式的表达稍有些简单,如作者能将该习作的某些句子加以调整,运用一些较高级的句子,再在某些句子之间加上一些过渡语来加以润色,效果会更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一个过渡性的词语 Fortunately , five of the boys ;文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 这两个句子可合并成一个非限制性定语从句; on a telescope, which I can use to observe ,这样,将会使整个文章更具有连贯性、得体性和可读性。
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