这里我截选了开头和各段主题句,从结构上来讲这个开头是属于第二种,但是内容却是第一种,However之前的内容并不是作者的观点,只是重复了题目的观点,However之后是作者观点。本质上讲这个开头跟I dont agree with the speaker说的内容是一样的。
接下来看三个主题句,有什么问题么?第一、二个都是在说Somebody,第三个转到I have的内容--作者把第一种观点的内容按第二种观点来展开了,他并没有说自己同意somebody的说法,却花了两段去论证somebody的说法。这时开头的定位不明确导致了文章的方向不明确。
再看一个比较标准的第二类开头
TOPIC: ISSUE12 - Peoples attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by any internal characteristic.
According to some common experiences, some people assert that peoples attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by any internal characteristic. I think this kind of statement is rather assertive and lack of comprehensive understanding about the relationship between peoples attitudes and its causing factors. Merely from its literal statement, I think the most majority of people probably can hardly accept this kind of opinion as well as mine. Certainly, immediate situation or surroundings shall make a great influences on peoples attitudes , but internal characteristic of people can also make a difference. We get to have all-round and insightful thoughts to think it over.
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