In addition, the arguer s conclusion that more excercises should be taken by the those who snore is seriously undermined by the common sense given in the argument, which points out the sleep apnea caused by snore results in the tiredness of the snorer during the day. Can such a tired person take a lot of exercisers besides his work or study? the answer is obviously seem. anyone who has basic logical-deducing ability would see the critical flaw in the argument.
In sum, unless the reslut of a further scientific study can demonstrate that the weight-gaining propensity among the snorers is caused by lacking of excercise and can be solved by eating less, the arguer s conclusion about this medical issue is unfounded.
评注:开头两段作者什么都没谈,就归纳了论据结论用了一段耗去100多字,居然还不过瘾,又独劈一段就为了说明它有问题,又是几十字,加上结尾,非主体共耗去200多字,接近全文一半,这样的谋篇布局实在让人 心寒 。可见作者没有丝毫写作 结构性 的知识,完全凭借自己的 一相情愿 在 抖包袱 。而下面的范文尽管开头也作了概括,但是 点到即止 ,将文章的中心全部扑在批驳论证上,并且 主次分明 ,从而保证了良好的 结构协调性 ,请读者品品。
The argument astonishingly deduces a conclusion of the easiness to get fatter for the particular group of people who snore at sleep, and accordingly recommends eating less and strengthening the intense of exercises to avoid such trend. While the arguer established his demonstration on the tenable basis of a well-known discovery accepted by public, this argument, however, seems to me a wholly ramshackle one needed to scrutiny.
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