学生习作(第二段)
语言修改
You can see Jane who appears in the great work of Emilys as an example. Jane has a common appearance, but she never feels inferior to others. As a famous saying goes: When our soul pass away and confront the God, we are equal. Jane is not outstanding outside thats not important. Her beauty is inside. Shes brave and persistent. So does she live in our mind, though she is an imaginary person. All is due to her substance.
Take for example Jane Eyre, who appears in the great works of Charlotte Bronte. Jane has a common appearance, but she never feels inferior to others. (As the famous saying goes; when our soul passes away to meet God we are all equal. Although Jane is not beautiful on the outside, she is beautiful on the inside.Shes brave and persistent. Although she is a fictitious character, she lives on in our minds due to her substance.
本段评点
本段举了《简爱》这部小说中女主人公的例子,与作者要说明的论点很适合,有说服力。不过,本段中所引用的名言When our soul pass away and confront the God, we are equal.与这段的主题意义是无关的,应该删掉。当人们死后见到上帝的时候,人们都是平等的,不能说明内在与外在,形式与内容的关系。
学生习作(第三段)
语言修改
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