Sulkers Steves 14-year-old son, Adam, had been irritable for several days. When Steve asked why, Adam snapped, Nothings wrong! Leave me alone! and stalked off to his room.
We all know people like this. When theres problem, they may sulk(生闷气) or act angry and refuse to talk.
So whats the solution? First, Steve needs to ask himself why Adam wont talk. Maybe the boy is worried about something that happened at school. Or he might be angry at his dad but afraid to bring it up because Steve gets defensive whenever he is criticized. Steve can pursue these possibilities the next time they talk by saying, I noticed youre upset, and I think it would help to get the problem out in the open. It may be hard because I havent always listened very 58
well. If so, I feel bad because I love you and dont want to let you down.
If Adam still refuses to talk, Steve can take a different tack: Im concerned about whats going on with you, but we can talk things over later, when youre more in the mood.
This strategy allows both sides to win: Steve doesnt have to compromise on the principle that ultimately the problem needs to be talked out and resolved. Adam saves face by being allowed to withdraw for a while.
Noisy critics. Recently, I was counselling a businessman named Frank who lends to be overbearing when hes upset. Frank told me that I was too absent-minded with money and that he shouldnt have to pay at each of our sessions. He wanted to be billed monthly.
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