[13]不采用这种办法,丈夫可以把事情让妻子自己决定:亲爱的,我想和小伙子们一块去钓鱼,你看怎样? 我想还是我们一块出去吧。 今年秋天再去怎样?我一直想跟你去新英格兰看一看秋天的落叶。 好吧。你去钓鱼而我回家看母亲。 这样的对话,听起来是最理想的了。它只能发生在很成熟的成年人配偶之间。
[14]But what if she says, You always make promises you never keep. This fall there will be some excuse. I think you owe me a trip first? Now he must decide. Is she right? She could be, you know. When the couple arrives at this juncture, its time for him to listen.
[14]但如果妻子说:你从不信守诺言。到今年秋天你又会有别的借口。我想是你首先欠我一次出游,对吧?这样丈夫就必须决定,他的妻子是否正确。要知道,他的妻子可能是正确的。当双方到了这样一个关键时刻,丈夫就应该听从了。
[15]When anger is hurled at us, it hurts us. If it were a pistol, I would insist anger, like control, be checked at the door. But anger can also be a response to pain. So when your spouse responds in anger, you must terminate the argument. Its that simple: the argument must end because another person may be in pain.
[15]如果激愤在我们之间爆发,它会伤害我们的感情。如果激愤是一把手枪,我认为也要像对待控制他人的欲望一样,要在一开始就不让它发射出来。但是愤怒可以是内心伤痛的一种释放。当你的配偶释放愤怒的时候,你就必须停止争吵。道理很简单,争吵必须终止,因为其中一人可能已被触动内心的痛处。
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