虽然让关系能发展下去并停战和解是很吸引人的,但那种道歉真的不适合说给对方,她说:“那句‘我从没想过要伤害你’所对应的整件小事,其实就是你无法原谅的那个行为,是那种直入你心扉的难受的感觉。”
Instead, Myss says it's important to approach the conversation differently. Ultimately, it's about offering more than an apology. It's about sharing a soul-to-soul confession. "Let's redo the scene," Myss says. "[The person] comes up to you and says... 'I need to tell you something. I consciously knew what I was doing. I consciously knew it, and I have to call it something else: I sinned against you. It was a sin. I heard my conscience tell me not to do this and I didn't listen. It didn't matter to me. And I know that my actions redirected the course of your life. It was conscious. It was a sin, because it was conscious. And how much it hurt you did not stop me. This is not a boo-boo. This is not an apology. I am confessing my soul to you, and I'm asking now for your forgiveness.'"
梅斯说相反很重要的是要以别的方式引入话题,最重要的是你要强调你做了什么而不是道歉,应该有心灵间的忏悔。梅斯说:“咱们重新设想一下刚才的场景,那个人走向你说‘我要跟你说件事,我深知自己做了什么,我意识到了,我觉着应该换个说法:我得罪你了。是我的错,我的良心告诉我不要那样做,但我没当回事,这对我没什么影响,但我知道我的行为改变了你的生活,我是有意的。是我的错,因为我是故意的,对你的伤害也没能阻止我,这不是一时疏忽,我不是在道歉,这是我对你心灵的忏悔,我现在请求你的原谅。’”
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