When participants focused their relationship improvement attempts on changing the partner, individuals reported more negative improvement strategies, lower improvement success, and, in turn, more negative relationship evaluations. Results suggest that targeting the partner may do more harm than good despite that relationship evaluations pivot on whether the partner produces change.
当参与者试着用改变对方的方法来增进感情时,每个人都表示这是种消极的方法,成功率很低。结果,这种消极的方法导致对方更容易做出伤害自己的事情,尽管评估报告是随着其中一方改变而改变的。
John Gottman, researcher and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, says 69 percent of a couple's problems are perpetual. These problems don't go away yet many couples keep arguing about them year after year.
《婚姻七定律》的作者及研究人员约翰·高特曼(John Gottman)称,夫妻间69%的问题都是永久性的。这些问题不会消失,所以很多夫妻都会不停地为其争论下去。
Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other's mind – but it can't be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage. [The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work]
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