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Too much TV not a good thing

Last month, the publicist of a television company sent me a copy of a high-prestige new show to critique. When he called me up, I said: "Congratulations on a potential hit!"

"So, you liked it," he said.

"No way. I watched only the first hour and it's so formulaic I could quickly tell who would end up with whom by the end. My mother-in-law loved it, though. She is a better barometer. If I loved your show, it would probably bomb as no middle-aged housewives would swoon with joy or anguish at the melodrama."

As I see it, Chinese television entertainment is a paragon of kitsch, especially as far as variety shows are concerned. When last summer CCTV let ethnic singers use their "original style", audiences were stunned: singing without the pretense of overheated emoting, or so-called professional training, could touch our hearts like a force of nature.

You can imagine why it made me laugh when I saw the proclamation this week that China is now officially "the biggest producing and broadcasting country of television drama". Last year we churned out 40 episodes a day, some of which were aired on 90 percent of the country's 1,974 channels.

Now, I don't expect every show to be smart and witty and thought provoking, but just like Hollywood blockbusters, our television programming seems to aim for the lowest common denominator.

For those of you who rely on your tube as a language tool, I have this advice: We Chinese don't actually talk like that in real life. What you see is a parallel universe populated by eerily hollow characters, such as 20-somethings who spend a fortune on a meal or otherwise act with no discernable motive.