By his figuring, they are almost two hours late for the party. So he tries to alert her to the urgency of the situation via the Universal Husband Signaling Method, which is jingling his keys. This makes is wife crazy. She's thinking, "Why is he jingling already? We have tons of time!" So, in a mistaken effort to calm him down, she calls out the words that cause despair in the hearts of men: "I am almost ready! I am just putting on my make-up!" To the husband, these two statements contradict each other. It is like saying "You can believe me! I am Bill Clinton!" Because to the husband, "I'm just putting on my make-up" means "I'm painstakingly applying 450 coats of beauty products to my face using an applicator the width of a human hair."

Granted, the wife can do this in seven minutes, but it means much longer to the husband because of Albert Einstein's Theory of Cosmetic Relativity, which states "every minute that a wife spends putting on makeup is experienced as 45 minutes by a husband who has reached the key-jingling stage." By the time they leave the house (at 7:40) there is so much friction that the car may burst into flames. If they make it to the party, the husband, trying to keep on schedule, will immediately want to leave.

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